FCS Blog

Raising Resilient Kids

We’ve all heard and experienced the popular phrase : the struggle is real.” None likes the struggle; at least I haven't met anyone who does.  No matter how cautiously and carefully we try to navigate through life we will encounter the struggle. This comes in the form of loss, hurt from others, unmet expectations, failure to meet the expectations of others, and countless other reasons.  The way I see it we have only a few options when faced with our struggles: deny it, retreat from it, or face it and work through it.  The truth is obstacles, hardships, and challenges are not only encountered by adults, but by our children as well.  In my many years in education, I believe far too often we as parents try to do everything within our power to protect our children from the things that make them unhappy and uncomfortable.

I am a total advocate for allowing kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood.  I have so many fond memories of my childhood, but I also have memories of difficult times; things that made me sad, mad, and honestly just things that I didn’t like or want to do.  I will also admit that as a mother there was a time or two that I jumped in too quickly to rescue my daughters from a situation rather than allowing them to experience the struggle.  

So, how do we as parents respond to our children’s struggles in a way that shows them we care but also spurs them on to respond with resilience?  I have a few easy and practical ways that I think will be beneficial as you and children navigate the tough times together.

First, be their example.  We show our kids that doing hard things is possible when they see us honoring our word and following through on our commitments. We have all had those experiences when we are feeling overwhelmed and we want to put something off,  ask for an extension, or make an excuse for not completing a task.  Whether you believe it or not you are the most influential role model your children have.  The things you make unimportant will be things that become unimportant to them.

This next bit of advice is a tough one; allow your children to fail and not quit.  Your kids won’t be the best or even good at everything they try.  Making them stick it out and fulfill their obligation will go a long way in showing them that they can finish something they don’t like.  There is the intrinsic value of following through even if there is no prize or reward at the end. If children don’t ever hear the word no from their parents they will hear it from someone eventually.  It’s better to hear for the first time from the people who love them most.

Third, be their biggest cheerleader.  When your children face struggle or deal with self doubt you need to be their best encouragement.  Remind them that they can do hard things even if it doesn’t turn out how they had hoped or expected.  Pray with and for them, share your own age appropriate stories with them, and be present in the moment.

Finally, direct them to scripture.  This month’s elementary character trait is resilience.God’s word is full of examples of people who overcame huge obstacles.  In the last two chapel services we have learned about Joseph, Job, and Paul.  All three of these men faced what seemed like insurmountable obstacles but God was still present in the midst of the struggle. He will be present with them too.

When I think about resilience my thoughts go to the butterfly.  The caterpillar is typically in its chrysalis for 10-14 days before it begins to emerge as a beautiful butterfly.  The butterfly needs to struggle on its own to get out of that chrysalis. If humans help the butterfly get out they may handicap and reduce the butterflies abilities and effectiveness.  The butterfly’s  struggle produces a substance that helps their wings expand and their wings build muscles to fly while struggling to get out.  Butterflies help to  pollinate plants helping plants to produce more seeds;eventually producing more plants.

I believe the struggles and obstacles our children overcome only helps them to grow into compassionate adults who know that life is tough.  They will be seed planters and encouragers when struggles come to family and friends.. So as hard as it might be, walk through the struggle with your children, don’t give them all of the answers, point them to God and His Word, and celebrate with them when they come out on the other side.